


you're okay, so i'm okay

by damnmysterytome



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Comfort fic, F/M, Fluff, jss, no real plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2015-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-27 13:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5050717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damnmysterytome/pseuds/damnmysterytome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you okay?” Rick asked again after a few moments of silence. </p>
<p>Carol sighed, knowing that Rick wouldn't let up until she gave an answer one way or the other. “You're all home, so I'm okay.” Carol said softly. “You're okay, so I'm okay.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're okay, so i'm okay

“Hey.”

 

Carol turned her head from the mirror she was staring in and turned to look at Rick, a relieved sigh coming from her lips. “You're home.” She said softly. “You're all home, right?”

 

“Most of us.” Rick said, glancing down at the floor. Carol stared at Rick for a few moments before opening her mouth to ask more questions when he spoke. “Morgan told me about the attack. About what happened.” His eyes found hers again and Carol looked away from him.

 

“They're gone... We're... Okay for now.”

 

It had been a few days since the attack on Alexandria from the men and women with W's on their foreheads and things had not gone back to normal. They were still reeling, still repairing, still trying to fix things.

 

“Are you okay?” He asked, tilting his head at Carol.

 

“I'm alive.”

 

“That isn't what I asked.” Rick argued, taking several steps over to Carol. “I asked if you were okay.”

 

“Everyone get back okay?”

 

Rick sighed through his nose, knowing that Carol was asking this partially because she just wanted Rick to change the subject. He allowed it – for now. “We lost Carter. I had to..” He said, standing next to Carol in front of the dresser in the bedroom Carol resided in. His fingers grasped the edge of it, thinking of the sound of his knife piercing the base of his skull. “I had to.”

 

He had killed before, he had killed many people and he'd end up killing even more people. But that doesn't mean he would ever get used to it and it didn't mean he enjoyed it. He felt every single life he took, no matter what the reason was.

 

Carol looked over at Rick and swallowed. She knew what Rick was feeling right now and she knew exactly how it was affecting Rick. The only comfort Carol ever found in taking a life was that she still _felt_ it. She reached over and ran one hand over his and squeezed his fingers.

 

Rick looked up at Carol with tired eyes and sighed. “I know you don't like it.” Carol said softly, bringing her other hand to cup Rick's cheek. His eyes lulled shut and his face turned into her hand, his lips puckering and pressing into Carol's hand.

 

“I know you don't either.” Rick said after a few moments. Carol's lips turned up into a small smile and she thought back to that day when Rick and Carol went on a run – only to have Rick leave her behind. She tried not to think about that, especially with where they were at this point. “Carol..”

 

“Shh.” Carol mumbled, shaking her head. “Lets not do this again, okay?” They'd had this conversation before many times. Rick would apologize for how he acted, Carol would tell him that she understood and there was nothing for him to apologize for, and he would promise not to bring it up again. Yet, they'd always come back to it.

 

“Are you okay?” Rick asked again after a few moments of silence.

 

Carol sighed, knowing that Rick wouldn't let up until she gave an answer one way or the other. “You're all home, so I'm okay.” Carol said softly. “You're okay, so I'm okay.”

 

The sight of a pack of cigarettes on Carol's dresser brought Rick back to the conversation he had had with Morgan about how Carol disguised herself as one of the people who attacked, which Rick couldn't say surprised him. He had remembered her telling him about the way she was able to get into Terminus was by disguising herself as a walker. But still, Rick found it almost unbelievable that Carol could have gotten away with it. “Did you really disguise yourself as one of them?” Rick asked, raising an eyebrow. He had to admit, he would have loved to have seen that.

 

Carol thought back to the outfit she had worn, the feel of dried blood on her forehead in the shape of a W. She'd burned the clothes and scrubbed her forehead until it was red and raw. She'd done what she had to do but Carol couldn't forget how it felt to wear those clothes, to feel the blood drying on her forehead. Even though she knew that the attack only lasted forty five minutes – the same time it took to bake her casserole – it had felt like hours. “We do what we have to, right?” It had been a few days since it happened, but it still felt like it was yesterday.

 

Rick frowned, there was something in Carol's tone that unnerved him. “C'mere.” Rick said while he wrapped his arms around Carol's shoulders and tugged her against his chest, not giving her a choice but to join his embrace.

 

Carol shut her eyes and rest her head on top of Rick's chest and allowed herself to listen to the sound of Rick's heart beating. The steady beat relaxed her, but brought on a new wave of tears. Her tears were rough and loud, even though they were muffled by Rick's chest. She clung to Rick's back, her fingers taking fist fulls of his shirt into her hands. She knew that if someone walked by the door they'd hear her crying, but Carol couldn't stop. And she wasn't sure if she would even if she could. It felt good to _cry._ It made her feel _okay_ to cry.


End file.
